Finding My Way Back to Myself

The past six months have been transformational.

The strange thing is, it didn’t feel like much was changing at the time. Looking back now, I realise I’ve changed more in that period than I have in years.

For years, personal development, growth, and goal setting have been central to my life. I’ve always been working towards something, pushing for the next goal, trying to improve myself or build a better future. But for the last six months, I’ve barely done any of it. Instead, all I wanted to do was rest.

I wanted to spend time doing things that brought me comfort and made me happy. Most evenings I’d relax without worrying about work, goals, or what came next. To be honest, it made me feel guilty. I felt lazy. I felt like I should be doing something productive. I was worried that I’d lost my motivation and that it may not be returning.

There were moments when I genuinely wondered whether I’d ever achieve the dreams I’d spent years working towards. But underneath all of that, there was a quieter voice telling me that this was exactly what I needed.

It didn’t make logical sense. I’d spent so many years pushing, striving, and constantly moving forward that sitting still felt wrong. Yet intuitively I knew I wasn’t supposed to be forcing anything.

I had to trust the process.

What was happening beneath the surface

What I didn’t realise at the time was that an internal transformation was taking place. While it looked like nothing was happening on the surface, something much deeper was happening underneath.

The stress, pressure, and habits that had built up during the last phase of my life had slowly pulled me away from who I really was. Layer by layer, they had covered up parts of me that used to feel fundamental to my identity.

As those layers began to fall away, something unexpected happened. I started reconnecting with interests and hobbies I’d had twenty years ago, before work, bills, responsibilities, and endless to-do lists became my everyday reality.

Space to reflect

With work no longer dominating my life, I had more space to reflect on what really matters to me, and the kind of impact I wanted to have on the world.

There’s a quote often attributed to Anna Lappé:

“EVERY TIME YOU SPEND MONEY, YOU’RE CASTING A VOTE FOR THE KIND OF WORLD YOU WANT.”

I’ve been thinking about what that actually looks like in practice.

For me, it isn’t about being perfect or making every decision through a moral lens. It’s more about recognising that the choices we make with our money and attention inevitably shape the world we end up supporting – whether we think about it consciously or not.

It’s less of a rule, and more of a reflection point: what kind of world do I actually want to contribute to, and does the way I live align with that?

It’s about getting clear on what genuinely matters to you, and deciding, in a way that feels right for you, where to place your energy. For me, that’s meant paying more attention to the causes, businesses, and choices I support. For someone else, it might look completely different.

When I look at my own life, I know I care deeply about animals and the environment. That’s why I’ve chosen to invest more of my money and energy in those areas, whether that’s supporting environmental and animal charities, choosing products that have a lower environmental impact, or supporting local independent businesses where I can.

Not because I think everyone should do the same, but because that’s what feels aligned for me right now.

Rediscovery, not reinvention

What surprises me most is how familiar it all feels.

These aren’t new values or interests I’ve suddenly discovered – they’ve always been part of who I am. Somewhere along the way, buried beneath years of stress, overwork, and constant doing, I lost touch with them. It feels less like becoming someone new and more like returning to something that was always there.

I don’t feel like the same person I was a year ago. In many ways, I feel much more like the person I used to be – not because I’ve gone backwards, but because so much of what wasn’t really me has fallen away.

Underneath it all, the values and parts of myself that had been buried for years were still there waiting.

It feels like I’ve come home to myself.

Have you ever gone through a period where it felt like nothing was changing, only to realise later that everything was?

Love,